By Mikki McGill, Certified Transformative Mediator, CDFA, MPA, CDC
This week The New York Times ran an article called “The Chatbot is In” by Teddy Rosenbluth. One line in it stopped me cold. The article reports that about 25 percent of people under 30 are turning to AI chatbots for medical insight. Not because appointments are scarce or because AI is free, but because the bots sound kinder. Kinder than their doctor, kinder than the people they turn to for help, kinder than the very systems that are supposed to care for them. When people feel more emotionally supported by software than by living humans, it should make all of us pause.
AI didn’t beat us at intelligence. It beat us at tone. At patience. At emotional steadiness. At the consistency we cannot seem to offer one other when we are tired, overwhelmed and stretched too thin.
The Rise of Romantic and Emotional Bonds with AI
A recent national survey by Vantage Point Counseling Services found that nearly 30 percent of American adults have engaged in intimate or romantic interactions with an AI chatbot. Another study reported that one in five American adults has chatted with an AI designed specifically to be a romantic or companion partner. For teens the trend is growing too, with surveys showing about one in five high schoolers has either had a romantic relationship with an AI or knows someone who has.
Why does this matter? Because AI listens without getting irritated. It adapts to your tone. It doesn’t snap after a long day. It doesn’t forget what you said two days ago. It doesn’t misinterpret your intentions or bring its own exhaustion into the conversation. Navigating real relationships as and with a real human who gets tired, stressed or overloaded doesn’t always look pretty, it isn’t always kind and it can be downright damaging and abusive from their point-of-view (POV). We (and others) can become emotionally unavailable where we experience or end up cranking out rejection and blame which destabilizes us (and them).
AI Isn’t Replacing Human Intelligence. It’s Replacing Human Availability
Before we panic about robots taking over, we need to look at something far more human. During Covid it was widely talked about how overloaded our medical community was. But it wasn’t just doctors and nurses. It was everyone in a service role and parents at home, us with neighbors, friends, coworkers, our employer and family. That pressure didn’t disappear when the pandemic ended. It shifted. Today therapists, teachers, mediators, nurses, doctors, social workers and other support professionals are running on fumes. And it’s not just professionals—it’s us as parents and partners on the home front too. All this isn’t because we or they don’t care but because they’re emotionally depleted (we’re exhausted from caring and from all the things we’re carrying). Others (and us) are carrying far more than one job description ever implied and trying to meet all the job descriptions on our own—going it solo.
Emotional labor has become heavier than ever. Many professionals go home at night with nothing left to give the people they love. So when AI arrives with infinite emotional bandwidth and perfect patience, people notice. AI feels easier. Safer. More spacious. It is the emotional equivalent of a bottomless cup of tea.
This is not because AI is superior. It’s because humans are exhausted.
How We Show Up at Work: The Service Industry Is Buckling Under Emotional Labor
Healthcare workers are navigating impossible schedules and fifteen-minute appointment windows. Therapists are carrying trauma stories back-to-back with little downtime. Teachers are balancing academic demands with growing student emotional needs. Mediators spend their days absorbing conflict and helping families through heavy decisions. Nurses juggle overwhelming patient loads and little recovery. Social workers face crisis situations daily. This is true of professionals and parenting and being in a relationship. Add the layers and the weight is palpable.
These professionals and each of us as individuals together are the emotional infrastructure that keeps society functioning. But the weight on their shoulders has grown into something unsustainable. They/we are not failing. They/we are drowning.
When people feel rushed, dismissed or unheard in these environments, it’s not because the professionals lack empathy. It’s because they lack capacity. They’re doing the work of five people. They’re (we are) showing up with half a battery. They’re (we are) giving from an empty cup. AI simply shows up with a full one.
How We Show Up at Home: The Emotional Shortage Inside Relationships
After a long day in these professions, people come home with nothing left in the tank. They love their partners and families deeply, but the emotional residue of the day follows them home. They walk through the door overstimulated, overwhelmed and craving silence. Sound familiar?
The result? Communication erodes in tiny ways. Tones get sharper. Emotional bids get missed. Irritation grows. Connection feels harder. People feel more alone even while they’re together. Sigh.
AI doesn’t get tired. It doesn’t shut down. It doesn’t bite your head off when you ask a simple question. It doesn’t say “Not tonight.” It doesn’t bring yesterday’s tension into today’s conversation. For someone who is lonely inside their relationship, that kind of stability feels comforting.
This is one of the quiet ways technology is influencing marriages. Not by replacing partners, but by highlighting where partners aren’t able to show up.
Divorce and the Emotional Shortage: People Aren’t Breaking Because They Don’t Care
As a family mediator I can tell you that most divorces begin with emotional erosion, not betrayal. People stop showing up in ways the other person can actually feel. They stop tending to the relationship because survival mode has taken over. Care becomes reactive. Conversations become transactional. Conflict becomes fragile.
AI isn’t causing these divorces, it’s revealing the loneliness people were already carrying. When someone feels more emotionally supported by a chatbot than by their spouse, it points to one painful truth: not that the partner doesn’t care, but that the partner is exhausted.
What AI Can Replace and What It Never Will
AI can help us prepare, but it cannot show up for us. It can help us organize our thoughts, rehearse difficult conversations, regulate before conflict and sift through the emotional static that makes human interactions so complicated. It can help us rewrite, reframe and calm the parts of our inner world that get loud when we’re overwhelmed. It can strengthen our clarity and soften our reactivity. But that is where its role ends. AI cannot live our lives for us. It cannot walk into the room in our place or take responsibility for the moments that require real human presence.
And that brings us to an uncomfortable truth about how we’re living today. Being present “in real life” — IRL — is becoming something people do less and less. Not because we don’t care, but because life has become overwhelming. It is easier to retreat into digital spaces where no one needs anything from us. It is easier to send a message instead of having a conversation, or to hide behind busyness instead of engaging in connection. It’s easier to watch another funny reel for some (comic) relief. But it isn’t funny when the world needs us to show up or we aren’t. Our workplaces need people who are engaged. Our communities need doctors, nurses, teachers, mediators and caregivers who bring real presence to their work. Our families need us to be emotionally available. And we need the people we love to show up for us too.
To show up fully, we need energy — emotional resilience, self-regulation and capacity. This is where AI can be genuinely useful. It can help us navigate our energy instead of burning through it. It can help us calm our system before difficult conversations so we don’t bring unnecessary harm into the room. It can help us organize overwhelming emotions so we speak with more clarity. It can help us understand our reactions before we project them onto someone who doesn’t deserve the fallout. AI can support us in becoming more grounded and intentional, so we have the capacity to be present where it matters most.
But AI can never replace the experience of real human presence. It cannot feel another person’s grief or sit quietly beside someone when words won’t help. It cannot sense tension rising and soften its own body to calm the moment. It cannot notice subtle cues that reveal fear, shame or longing. It cannot repair a rupture or rebuild trust. It cannot offer embodied empathy, courage or connection. These are human abilities — and they always will be.
This isn’t the first time a new tool has raised fears about replacing real life. Television was once nicknamed “the boob tube” because people were afraid it would suck away our attention and disconnect us from the world. In the end, TV wasn’t the problem. How we used it was. AI is the same. It’s a tool, and like any tool, it needs to be used intentionally. Pick it up when it helps you lighten your mental load or prepare for hard moments, then put it down and return to your real relationships. Let AI help you become a kinder, calmer, more present version of yourself — and then go live your actual life with the people who matter. Real connection still happens face-to-face. AI can support that, but it can never replace it. We need to remember that.
AI can simulate supportive language but it cannot co-regulate a human nervous system. It cannot hold a trembling hand or sit in grief or track nonverbal shifts in a mediation session. Humans do that. Humans always will.
The Real Question Is Not “Will AI Replace Us?” It’s “Will We Start Showing Up Again?”
AI is not replacing humanity. It’s revealing how much of our humanity has been running on empty. This moment is calling us back to ourselves, back to the parts of being human that technology cannot imitate. It’s asking us to show up again — at work, at home, in our friendships, in our marriages and in the ways we care for our children, our aging parents and ourselves, which is often where we stop showing up first.
Connection, care and support are universal needs. They ebb and flow depending on the season of life we’re in and the pressures we carry. Some days we can show up generously and some days making it through the evening is enough. The real question is how we fill the gap when our capacity runs low.
This is where AI can play a meaningful role. It will never replace human presence but it can help steady us so we can return to the places where our presence matters most. It can help us process emotions before difficult conversations, give us clarity before we react and help us regulate when we’re overwhelmed. When we use AI intentionally, not as an escape but as support, it becomes a bridge back to the parts of our lives that need us most.
The future will belong to people who use AI as a life tool so they can cultivate emotional presence, steadiness and relational resilience. AI cannot compete with a human who is rested enough to respond with warmth, regulated enough to speak with clarity and attuned enough to truly hear another person. The work ahead isn’t about outsmarting the machine. It’s about strengthening the parts of us the machine can never reach — our empathy, our courage, our compassion and our ability to repair and reconnect when things get hard.
AI can help us show up not depleted and distracted but steadier, clearer and more prepared than we’ve been. The goal isn’t to let AI stand in for connection, it’s to let AI strengthen us so we can reconnect in ways that are healthier and more grounded. The world is hungry for human wisdom, human connection and human courage. AI may change how we prepare for life, but only humans can live it.
And lest you think this is a call for doing more or striving for perfection, it isn’t. Vulnerability is a strength and presence doesn’t need to be flawless to matter. Show up human in your unique strengths and get support for the rest.
When you show up in your strengths and get support for the rest, everything gets easier. You stop burning yourself out, your relationships steady, communication improves and you have more energy to give where it actually matters. It doesn’t just change how you feel — it changes how the people around you feel too. It creates calmer homes, healthier partnerships and more sustainable work.
If you want to feel steadier and more supported by humans, check out my weekly support group, Building Resilience and Coping Skills. It’s a place to breathe, reset and navigate the hard moments with more ease by companioning for the life journey in a safe space with people who get it.
About Mikki McGill Mikki McGill is a Certified Transformative Mediator and divorce finance professional (CDFA) who helps individuals and families navigate separation with clarity and steadiness. As the founder of Great River Mediations, she blends practical tools with compassionate support and leads groups that build emotional resilience during life’s hardest transitions. Mikki can be found at https://GreatRiverMediations.com
References:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/16/health/ai-chatbot-doctor.html
https://vantagepointdallascounseling.com/ai-romantic-relationships-study/
https://www.newsweek.com/1-5-americans-relationships-ai-1867391
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/11/01/ai-boyfriend-girlfriend-teens/
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