
When you build a fire, whether to warm your home or to add a bit of ambience on a cold, winter’s night (and it is starting to get chilly here in MN), you know you’ve got to tend to the fire to keep it going. Relationships aren’t any different. Relationships begin with that initial spark, but you both have to tend to the relationship to keep the heat going!
In our modern age, many couples are ready to throw in the towel as soon as things begin to cool off slightly. Love takes work, that’s the reality. I’ve known and worked with many couples who have been together for decades and who are now looking at lives apart from one another thru divorce. I’ve learned some of the key things that have broken and help them to make it. Here are things that help build your relationship:
Give Each Other Your Full Attention
One of the greatest gifts of love you can give someone is your attention. Especially in today’s day and age, when it seems everyone has their head down, staring at their phone.
When you first fell in love, the other person was the center of your world. Has that changed over time? Do you take each other for granted?
Whether it’s to share a silly story or seek advice, be sure to always give each other your full attention. Tune into them fully and engage. Ask questions and be with them there in the moment.
Learn Together
When the relationships begins to feel stale and old, it’s time to learn something new together. This could be taking a Salsa class or learning how to white water raft. The wonderful thing is while you are learning a new skill together, you will most likely learn new things about each other. We get to a point in our relationship when we think we know everything about the other person. But people are deep, mysterious wells that take years and years to explore!
Plan Surprises
Take turns planning something fun and spontaneous for you to do each month. It could be borrowing your friend’s rooftop condo for a rooftop summer picnic with stunning views of downtown. Or it could be taking a weekend cooking class, or going on an overnight trip up into the mountains. Being spontaneous not only helps you break out of your relationship rut, it “forces” you to really think of the other person and what might make them happy.
Learn and communicate your love language and your partner’s love language
Learn how the both of you receive and give love and then love one another that way. This can help to keep the spark alive because the feelings of love and being loved are present. Is it quality time, physical touch, acts of service or another love language that you speak (and hear). Here’s where you can take a quiz to find out what yours are: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes Maybe your spouse or partner can take the test too. Your results might be a great conversation over a dinner out.
Love is not something you fall in and out of; it is a journey that both of you are on together. To stay the course, be sure to give each other your full attention, learn together, and be spontaneous!
SOURCES:
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/keeping-the-spark-alive/
https://www.insider.com/how-to-keep-the-spark-in-your-relationship-2017-7
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202010/keeping-the-spark-alive-in-your-relationship
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