When I first met Jennifer, it wasn’t in a mediation room or a support circle — it was at a line dance class taught by Miss Tina of Gotta Dance. The room filled with soul music and laughter, a room full of people trying to find rhythm. Everyone was trying to remember the steps and Miss Tina kept reminding us, “If you mess up, just KEEP ON dancin’!”
I had come to class to move, meet new people and have fun. Jennifer, however, told me something that made me see dancing in an entirely different way.
She said, “I started dancing when I was going through my divorce. I cried through a lot of those early classes. It was part of my life rebuild.”
She smiled as she said it — not a forced smile but one that came from deep down, from the kind of place that only shows up after a person has done the hard work of healing. “I don’t even know if I’m a good dancer,” she added with a shrug, “but I’m having fun and that’s all that matters.”
I believe Jennifer is still healing and rebuilding but she’s doing it one step at a time — sometimes it’s a two-step, other times it’s two steps forward and one step back.
When Healing Doesn’t Look Like Healing
Divorce recovery is rarely a straight path. It’s not like following a recipe or building a piece of furniture where you can check off steps and see a clear finish line. Healing after divorce is messy. It comes in waves. Sometimes, it looks like progress — other times, it looks like tears in a dance class or sitting in your car wondering how you’ll face another weekend alone.
There are times going through a divorce when you may feel like you are in limbo — with your life uncertain and your future unknown. This place of fear can capture you but don’t let it. Engage in life. Get yourself out and explore something that’s not related to your divorce.
For Jennifer, showing up to dance class wasn’t about mastering choreography. It was about having somewhere to go. It was about getting out of the house even when she didn’t feel like it. It was about doing something — anything — that wasn’t drowning in the pain of her loss.
At first, she said she stood in the back of the room quietly crying while trying to remember which foot went where. The music played and she felt out of sync with herself and with life. But she kept showing up.
Week after week, Jennifer came back. And something began to shift. She didn’t notice it right away but little by little her tears gave way to small smiles as she watched others screw up the steps and messed them up herself! The music started to feel lighter. The steps began to make sense. She met people. She started talking, laughing and eventually — dancing with her whole self again.
Movement as Medicine
Movement — in whatever form it takes — is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to engage in recovery. You don’t have to join a dance class to benefit. It might be walking your dog, joining a pickleball group, taking yoga or gardening.
When you move your body, you shift your energy. You change your internal chemistry. The tension that builds up emotionally begins to have somewhere to go physically. And when you add community — being around others even quietly — you add connection which is something every person healing from divorce desperately needs.
Jennifer’s story is a reminder that healing doesn’t just happen by thinking about it, making sense of what happened or talking about it (though those are important too). It happens by doing. It happens when we engage with life again even in small, halting steps.
Engagement: The Antidote to Isolation
One of the hardest parts of divorce recovery is isolation. Even if you wanted the divorce, the end of a marriage often leaves people feeling unanchored and disconnected. The familiar rhythm of your days — meals, conversations, routines — suddenly changes. There’s a silence that can feel deafening.
That’s why engaging in new activities or communities is so vital. It’s not just about filling time — it’s about reclaiming space in your own life.
Here are a few gentle ways to engage in recovery inspired by stories like Jennifer’s:
1. Join Something New — Even if You’re Terrible at It
Whether it’s a dance class, pottery, choir or a local pickleball group, the goal isn’t to be good. It’s to show up. When you join something new, you create opportunities for connection, laughter and growth. You start seeing yourself not just as a “divorced person” but as someone curious, brave and willing to try.
Remember Miss Tina’s words: “If you mess up, just KEEP ON dancin’.” It’s a perfect metaphor for life after divorce. You will misstep. You’ll get out of rhythm. But the point is to keep moving. To keep engaging.
2. Let Yourself Feel — Even When It’s Messy
Jennifer cried through many of her early dance classes. That might sound uncomfortable but it was necessary. She didn’t push the tears away; she let them flow while her body moved.
Healing requires expression. The feelings you suppress will find a way out eventually — through anxiety, exhaustion or resentment. Giving them safe, physical release — whether through movement, journaling, art or conversation — helps you process them in healthy ways.
Crying while dancing doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re healing in real time.
3. Create Small Routines That Pull You Forward
In the early days of divorce, motivation can feel impossible. The thought of joining a group or meeting new people might seem too big. That’s okay. Start small.
Maybe it’s:
-
Taking a short walk every morning
-
Attending one local meetup each week
-
Volunteering once a month
-
Scheduling a standing coffee date with a friend or finding a new person each week to have coffee with
Recovery isn’t one big leap — it’s a series of small, deliberate steps that over time rebuild a life.
4. Connect With a Support Community
Whether it’s a divorce recovery group, a grief circle or a support class, community is one of the most powerful tools for healing. These can be online or in person.
Online groups can provide a sense of anonymity and an extra layer of emotional safety especially when you’re feeling fragile or raw. Sometimes it’s easier to share openly when you’re behind a screen surrounded by people who’ve been through something similar.
But even if you choose to engage online in a virtual support group like one of ours, don’t neglect ways to connect with others in real life (IRL). Being physically present with people — hearing laughter, seeing facial expressions, getting a hug or a smile — brings a kind of nourishment that digital connections can’t fully replace.
Jennifer’s dance class wasn’t a formal support group but in some ways it functioned like one. There was laughter, shared humanity and people who noticed when someone didn’t show up. Healing can happen in unexpected places.
5. Experiment and Give Yourself Permission to Change
You might not love the first activity you try — and that’s perfectly fine. Divorce recovery is as much about exploration as it is about healing.
Try a class, a meetup or a volunteer role. If it doesn’t feel right, try something else. The point isn’t perfection; it’s participation. Every attempt is a small act of courage that moves you closer to rebuilding a life that feels like you again.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
When you’re going through a major life change, it’s easy to judge yourself. You may think you should be further along or feel stronger or be more “over it.” But recovery doesn’t respond to deadlines.
Self-compassion means allowing yourself to be where you are — messy, angry, uncertain, in progress. It means celebrating effort, not just outcomes. Jennifer didn’t wait to feel better before dancing; she danced to feel better.
When Joy Sneaks Back In
One night at class, I noticed Jennifer from across the room. She was laughing with someone new, confidently stepping into the rhythm, smiling in that quiet, radiant way that comes from peace returning. She saw me and waved.
Later she came over, introduced herself and helped me learn a few steps. “Watch my feet,” she said kindly. I did — and realized I wasn’t just following her dance moves; I was following her example.
Jennifer’s story isn’t about dancing. It’s about recovery, resilience and the courage to reengage with life even when it hurts. It’s about how healing begins not when everything feels better but when you choose to keep showing up.
The Power of “Keep on Dancin’”
Miss Tina’s words ring true far beyond the dance floor: “If you mess up, just keep on dancin’.”
Life after divorce isn’t a perfect routine. You’ll step on your own toes. You’ll lose your place in the rhythm. You’ll take one step forward and two steps back. But the important thing is to keep moving.
As Winston Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.” It’s the only way to get to the other side — and there is another side.
Building a Future of Possibility
Healing from divorce is both an ending and a beginning. It’s the dismantling of what was and the slow, courageous construction of what will be. The process can feel uncertain but within that uncertainty lies freedom.
By engaging in activity, by investing in yourself and by allowing connection to slowly reenter your life, you begin to rebuild a foundation of strength and possibility.
You may not feel joy right away. That’s okay. You may start an activity and wonder, What am I doing here? That’s okay too. Healing doesn’t always feel good in the moment. But it’s working beneath the surface, rebuilding you in ways you can’t yet see.
A Note to Anyone in the Middle of It
If you’re in the thick of divorce recovery — if you wake up feeling heavy, if the loneliness hits out of nowhere, if you wonder who you are without the marriage — please know this: you’re not alone and this season will not last forever.
Start small. Take one step. Join one class. Go to one support group. Talk to one person. Try something new. And when it feels hard — because it will — remember Jennifer, standing in the back of that dance studio, tears in her eyes, feet uncertain but still moving.
Keep going. Keep showing up. Keep on dancin’.
Because with time, the music shifts. The steps come easier. The tears dry. And one day, you’ll look up and realize you’re not just surviving — you’re living again.
You’re laughing, connecting, rebuilding — and maybe even helping someone else learn the steps.
At Great River Mediations, I’ve witnessed countless people move from heartbreak to healing — often in unexpected ways. Recovery isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about finding your rhythm again. Whether through movement, community or quiet courage, you can rebuild a life that feels whole and hopeful.
As Miss Tina would say, “Just keep on dancin’.” Or “Move and just keep moving along” toward your recovery and well being. You can do it one step at a time until you’re dancing again.
Mediator Mikki McGill, CDFA®, Qualified Rule 114 Neutral, Professional Support Group Facilitator at Great River Mediations – Helping Families Find Peace and Clarity Through Life’s Hardest Transitions
(651) 399-2222 | info@greatrivermediations.com